college

Read the Fine Print

January 13, 2020lifestyleGabby Jacobsen

We’d been warned about college kids being ABSOLUTELY CONTENT with the roommates they choose when deciding to live off campus. We’d been warned about having to rescue a kid from a rental agreement they needed to get out of. Yeah, we’d been warned.

I’ve been a paralegal for 28 years, I know how to read a contract. I even worked at an apartment building as a rental agent for awhile. When you have your kiddo saying “Quick mom! They need my answer now!” You throw all caution to the wind, figure the agreement can’t be much different than others you’ve read in the past, and you sign it. You’ve met the girls who she’ll be living with. How bad could they be? They’re actively involved in the local church youth group, they come from good families, they are excited my kid is sharing space with them.

We’d be warned … and then after only one quarter the kid is seriously unhappy. Without going into detail about what went wrong, we needed to get her into a new situation as soon as possible.

Our kiddo is blessed in her group of old friends. A series of mishaps in timing led to 2 of her really good friends living in alternate locations at the start of the year. Fate led them back together when each of them were looking for new digs within the next 6 months. So they started looking together, and found themselves a lovely little place with 4 bedrooms, leaving room for another new friend who was also looking for a place to move. Only our kid had trouble getting our of her lease.

In reading the parent Facebook groups for the university, I saw parents looking for lease-takeovers all the time. Seemed like a pretty normal undertaking. So I started reviewing our rental agreement, which to my great disappointment, included a “Roommate Approval” clause. All roommates had to approve both the roommate moving out and the roommate moving in. Sounds reasonable right? Only, now we were looking at a group of girls who could, essentially, block our kid from moving at all, or even worse, making us pay for the remainder of the lease. The only alternative would be to pay out the rest of the 9 months we had left on the lease and move her into her new place. Essentially paying double the rent.

My communication with the rental company confirmed my fears, so we started asking the roommates if they had anyone they were willing to move into our lease. Thankfully, a replacement was found, but not until after we agreed to pay her first months rent and had to offer to pay her damage deposit. In the meantime, we had to forfeit our damage deposit and first months rent. So in total, we were out approximately $1300 just to get out of the lease. Not to mention having to pay an additional damage deposit and first/last on the new place. And yep … we’d been warned.

Now that we’re all moved into the new place and paid every last penny (including the last much higher energy bill because one roommate resided there the entire month of December with a Christmas tree when the energy bill should have been less with all students returning home for the 4 week winter break) our kid is GLORIOUSLY happy and settled with the people she should have been living with all along. But, this was a learning opportunity for her and for us! I think it needed to happen. We learned our lesson.

So now, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

If you’ve got a kid in college now or in the future, please heed our advice:

Off-campus housing is MUCH cheaper, but comes with its own troubles;
READ every word of the rental agreement and review it with your kid so they know what’s at stake;
If you know or have the opportunity to meet the parents, DO;
Know that too many rules is just that - TOO many rules;
Don’t rush into anything; and
Understand that this may happen to you and your kid, and that’s okay.

Our daughter is smiling and happy. In fact, I may have never seen her so happy which makes all the stress of the last 2 months so worth it. They’ve got enough to worry about right? Grades, friends, tests, student loans, living on their own, laundry … I mean really. If the worst thing that can be said about me is that I rescued my daughter from a difficult living situation, then fine. Guilty as charged. But trust me, this new lease is right on the money and I felt comfortable signing this one. (Even found some mistakes they needed to correct.)

So as my mom would say … happy days are here again.

From helicopter to drone

September 5, 2019lifestyleGabby Jacobsen

It’s not always easy

… especially not with the criticism

Recently, I saw a Facebook post imparting college wisdom for parents. It basically read that a college student who struggles and receives a C grade will do much better in life than a student who receives support and receives a B or an A even. To this person (or persons who shared it) I submit they do not have a child with a disability.

My beautiful daughter is entering her 2nd year at a state university in a few weeks. Her dad and I are so incredibly proud of the fervor she has put into her studies. The right answers do not come easy to everyone, and certainly not when you’re swimming against the current, so to speak. Sure, many students succeed in spite of their disability, but I argue it may have been done at the risk of missteps in other areas of their college experience, or with the aid of some parental help.

When my children were small, despite the fact they had learning and physical disabilities, it was just as vital that they enjoy a healthy social life and feed their souls. There just isn’t enough hours in the day to accomplish the amount of extra study time necessary to “succeed on your own” and form the lasting, healthy relationships that are so important to lead a fulfilled life.

Most universities offer a disability department with counselors who assist with educational and independent living accommodations. As it turned out, one such counselor is the daughter of a great childhood friend of mine. She was instrumental in alleviating my kiddo’s first year stress. They had a standing appointment weekly to review classes, homework, testing, health and friendships. However, this relationship was akin to a big sister or mentor, who couldn’t really hold my kid accountable for her mistakes or correct poor choices. Namely, keeping an active to-do list or calendar. While we appreciated the way I could take several steps back, there were still phone calls and visits necessary to keep the kid organized and focused.

As much as other parents would like to call me a “helicopter mom” or even “overbearing” I submit that my daughter and I have a great relationship and nobody knows her better than me. When she was entering jr. high, she and I talked about how her Autism Spectrum disorder affected her life. One area she struggled with was reading people’s emotions and signals. She turned to me as the 1 person in her life who could help her navigate these questions, someone who understood her limitations and would always tell her the truth. It’s always been that way for us … and this has transferred over into making good decisions. For example, I know that making the choice of spending an evening with friends when she has 3 essays due in 2 days without proper preparation isn’t going to go over well. It easily takes her 2x as long to pump out an essay, she likely has a full day of classes, leaving her only 4-5 hours the following evening to complete them, and my kid doesn’t operate well when you add stress to the mix. Suggesting a compromise to drive herself, limit the time to an hour or two, and get some work done that evening is a better option, and one she customarily agrees with. It’s all about balance and planning.

A friend has a college kiddo with physical limitations. She has my undying admiration in the way she and her husband don’t “solve” the problems for their child, but rather work with her to allow her to spend her energy on what matters, her education. My friend’s husband spent much time commuting to a job in order to support my friend working from home or as a substitute teacher while she managed the accommodations for their daughter. In fact, my friend temporarily rented an apartment near the college campus to assist their daughter with getting dressed and shoes on for the day. Due to surgeries, the kiddo couldn’t bend over to put shoes on … yep … how’s that for needing help? She’s a really smart cookie, and I’m sure would love to NOT have her mom hanging around campus, but until something could be worked out, there she was, each morning, to help with the shoes.

But I digress.

While I contemplate what emotional and organizational support (if any) I will be giving my kiddo during her sophomore year of college, I have much to appreciate. She will succeed with or without me because we have raised a kind human. A hard worker who has found a field she loves. Someone who studios and producers will want to work with. But first, she has to make it through college, with all its ups and downs.

So here’s to:

the high achievers
the hard workers
those who struggle despite their hard work
helicopter parents who are actually needed
the disability counselors who help parents let go a little
to universities and colleges for making room
to the friends who are friends even when the kiddo requires balance
to my little VW golfwagen “Pearl” who traveled many miles to give my kid a hug when she needed it and my cell provider for the hundreds of calls to keep my kid happy and on track
and to the parents who think they’re alone in praying for a lifetime of success for their disabled child despite criticism from others who just don’t know.

Thanks for listening. I recognize my rant was in defense (again) from those people who think they’re always right. My life and my parenting isn’t something anyone else can comment on unless they’re in my shoes or my kids are living on the streets. My girls are awesome young ladies and my husband and I are doing a bang-up job (or so I’ve been told).

As my friend Mary likes to say “You’re raising some good people, the kind that others want to be around.” Now that’s saying something …

Make them laugh

January 7, 2019Gabby JacobsenComment

Qualities every girl should look for …

2018 What a ride!

December 31, 2018Chloe + Isabel, DIY, lifestyle, Sseko, SunDazeGabby Jacobsen

It’s coming up on a year ago last February that I started this Blog. My original idea was to combine my family news, Chloe + Isabel sales and our new SunDaze Airbnb rental all in one social media space. It can be exhausting tagging multiple social media outlets as well as getting a newsletter together every week.

A few life changes took my blogging on a weird tangent. Sadly, the business that had saved me from my depression following mom’s death had taken a bit of a turn. The company had been sold by the founder and was following a more traditional “team building” business development. Gone were the days when I could be supported to just run my own business and gain recognition and incentives within the company. I still am in LOVE with the designs and quality, but part of my drive is in hitting goals and attending conventions with the wonderful friends I’d met. So many of whom left the company and left me brokenhearted.

In walked Sseko with it’s gorgeous leather designs and ribbon sandals! The Sseko story is one of a beautiful sisterhood of support here in the US and worldwide. Unfortunately, these big ticket items weren’t a huge hit for my original 300+ customer base.

Despite these negative blips, 2018 was really quite remarkable.

Dave was extremely busy this year with adding new Teamsters to his Tank Haul roster, negotiating first contracts, adding more groups to his plate, renewing old contracts, contemplating strikes … but this also took any big vacation off the table. We just couldn’t come up with a week of uninterrupted work for him. So, the girls and I spent much of our summer east of the mountains at SunDaze. I traveled over nearly weekly, running our Airbnb business and enjoying the summer weather and time with friends. It was the first summer of “no work” and just enjoying our new place. Many of the kids’ friends joined us and filled the bunkhouse with happy sounds. Card games in the carport, movie nights, floating on the river, 6 people in the golf cart, and coming up with new rules like “What happens at CB stays at CB.”

We had some great guests and the Airbnb thing was a big success! Great reviews from our guests and I’ve had about a dozen requests already for next summer. We earned enough to pay for 6 months of our HOA dues - a big relief since my new Golf Wagon was developing a serious relationship with the mountain pass and long drives back and forth from Seattle.

Overall, 2018 was one for the Jacobsen record books:

1 kid graduating college
1 kid graduating high school (and no private school tuition)
1st summer of Airbnb
A little forgiveness
Lovely new friend groups
Leading a healthier life
Living my best life in cut offs and Berkenstocks!
New job
Following the start of my baby’s career in film production
Sending a kid away to college
Big steps and accolads for my husband in the Teamster union
Sseko summit in Portland
Trip with my husband to Vegas for Teamster convention
OMG - finally putting up railings on the back deck and completing BBQ area

I am forever greatful for my wonderful husband for allowing me time at home with my girls. It was such a joy getting the chance to really be there for my daughter’s last year at our alma mater and enjoying all the “lasts” that she was going through. Getting time to spend with my older daughter as we working on healthy habits and making plans for when it will be just the 3 of us at home again in the fall. Living my best life in casual clothes and optional shower times is really where I lived the dream. My makeup optional, growing out my hair and yes, even braless days are what I look forward to in my retirement years.

So on this, the last day of 2018, the Jacobsens say goodbye to a year of great new beginnings and get ready to set goals for 2019!

More to come soon!!

Happy .. Winter!

December 28, 2018lifestyleGabby Jacobsen

Goodness sakes! Has it really been since August that I’ve written to ya’ll? It’s been an exciting adventure for my family as the summer ended with some big weekends at our SunDaze, weddings, visitors, and packing our youngest off to her university mid-September. Somewhere in all of that, I began interviewing for full-time jobs and once again putting myself in the hands of the spirit to guide my life.

When I last left you, we had our dining room acting as “ground zero” for all of my daughter’s college equipment. She was living on borrowed time at home so everything she was bringing, save some clothes and toiletries, were packed using my superior organizational skills, waiting for moving day. She moved over 4 days before most of her freshman peers in order to attend a Leadership camp experience which would afford her an additional 5 credits and a great source for meeting new friends.

When moving day arrived, I was ready to get her moved in with the help of my husband, my older daughter and the new college student. We only had 4 hours to get everything in and organized before she had to catch the bus back out of town. We were done in 2 … I had all the essentials ready to go, including packed lunch so we didn’t have to run out during our short time together. Pictures were hung, clothes put away, bedding situated, bathroom and desk set up and all her electronics ready to go! Since her 2 roommates weren’t moving for several days, we were able to take our time and enjoy a little lunch before taking pictures and heading back out of town. No tears, even now! She’s so good and settled into college life. She has dozens of friends and seems to meet more every week. She loves her classes, clubs and new experiences. Do I miss having her at home … sure! But we talk daily, send funny Snapchats all the time, and she still comes to me for advice and a little Mom-love. Over the next 2 months, I drove over to SunDaze every few weeks, stopping by her dorm to bring her to lunch or something from home. I set up a monthly PuraVita bracelet shipment and kept her snack supplies coming through Amazon. As I write this, she’s a week away from Winter quarter and I couldn’t be more excited as her new goals start coming into play.

Starting in late September I began receiving invitations to interview for new positions. I had put my resume out on Indeed.com and applied for really random professional jobs at various companies in the PNW. After receiving a few offers, I settled on taking an Executive Position at one of our regional hospitals. Yes, I know, healthcare right? What do I know about healthcare? Little to nothing, but that’s not what I am being asked to do. I work in hospital administration, for the Chief Operating Officer no less, so basically doing what I was doing for my judge without the hassle of jurors, attorneys, courtrooms, courthouses, criminals, pro se litigants and commuting. I manage his calendar, keep track of expenses, event planning, capital expenses and anything else needing to be done around the office. I make sure he’s organized so he can do what he does best. To date, I’ve passed my 60 day review and haven’t been fired, so I guess I’m doing something right.

I enjoy working in the community where I was raised and I feel like I’ve settled into the position. While I still have lots to learn about the hospital (including finding my way around), I’m satisfied that I found something meaningful and educational. PLUS, it makes me a little more responsible about my own healthcare. It’s difficult to put off those blood tests your PCP has been trying to get you to do when your boss walks you down to the lab. ROFL

Cheers to the holidays and I promise to try to be more active in my posts! But until you hear from me again, have a wonderful new start to your 2019!

We're off to COLLEGE!

March 28, 2018lifestyleGabby JacobsenComment

My baby is university bound this fall!

We received her acceptance Monday and it being her #1 school, she accepted that evening. Since then, my life has been full of FAFSA applications, scholarship essays, letters of recommendation, combing Pinterest for dorm ideas ... you know, the regular mom drill. (Dad is contacting his old college buddy to arrange a job for her in her college town ... you know, regular dad stuff.)

I've been watching graduating parents for years now, and it's generally the same emotional breakdown. Watching their children take their "lasts" and packing them up for moving away with tears and Kleenex everywhere. I LOVE my daughter like a best friend, and while we have enjoyed daily conversations, styling advice, laughs, advice, daily snuggles ... I'm just not an emotional person. I'm so excited for this new phase in her life and I can't wait to see what she does with it.

She has always leaned on me to help her through daily drama and struggles understanding difficult situations. Her slight Asperger's creates a bit of a maze at times and has always looked to me to help her understand and mature. I don't see this changing - so I suspect I won't have time to miss her. I still expect daily texts, calls and since the school is on the way to our little SunDaze, I suspect we'll see each other often enough. However, I've got a pretty outgoing and spirited girl, so trips home on weekends will likely not be a common occurrence. I know she's excited to be a part of the theater department as well as attend every football game possible. She is looking forward to making some lifelong friends and attending every activity. So I'm not worried about the random weekend trip home.

We've got all the orientation weekends on the schedule and Pinterest ideas flying!

I want to hear about everything! Comment below with your best tips ... I'd love to hear your experiences and advice for dealing with college stuff.