A wonderful friend texted me the other day and asked if I was okay. Now this particularly wonderful friend lives in another state and although we try to stay in touch as much as possible, I don’t think we had touched base for a week or two. My first answer was “yes, absolutely”, then I started to think about how my month has actually been going, and I gave her the truth “I’ve been better” or something to that effect.

Most of you know that in my entire life, I have never known a closer relationship than the one I had with my mom. She was everything … and this Saturday, December 21st, will mark the 6th year since her passing. Unfortunately, it also marks my 38th birthday. In all honesty, she actually passed on December 22nd, but when her heart attack hit on the evening of the 21st, it was the last time she and I spoke, the last time we looked into each others eyes, and the last time I could tell her that I wasn’t done with her yet. 24 hours later, she was gone.

So, when my friend asked how I was doing, I told her the truth.

Immediately following mom’s passing, I used all my energy staying busy. Life doesn’t stop when someone you love goes away, and since my mom was the “3rd adult” in our little family unit, we had big shoes to fill. We dove straight into Christmas and I had to complete mom’s Christmas shopping for her big family. Somewhere in there I planned her funeral and reception. Once that was over, I slept. I slept through my weekends and when I got home every night. About 6 months later, I started selling jewelry for Chloe + Isabel because when I brain was busy I wasn’t constantly thinking of my loss.

We have a great life. I’m working full time and my side businesses have now dropped off. I enjoy spending time with my husband and beautiful daughters. We go on adventures and spend time with friends who have become family. We’re happy. But it’s in these moments of quiet contemplation when I dread my birthday once again. Not because I fear getting older, but it’s one more year without mom. I literally can’t believe everything that has happened since her passing. Mainly, we grew up!

My mom was like a shooting star - she was always moving and carrying a smile everywhere she went. That is the memory people were left with, “Your mom was always smiling".” She taught me how to be happy, how to be proud of my “rose colored glasses”, that giving is much better than receiving, to love my children absolutely unconditionally, and always have grace.

In my line of work, there are brilliant minds everywhere. People who question the world around them, uncover big ideas and have that yearning to answer all of llfe’s big questions. I admire them for these gifts and can, at times, be a little intimidated. Then I remember mom, and her smile. She didn’t care about these BIG questions, she cared about people. Most especially HER people, but everyone would do too. She loved a happy ending to a story or movie, old musicals, and Mamma Mia on the radio. It didn’t matter if you were brilliant or a high school drop out, whether you were rich or just making it by, or whether you were important or feeling insignificant. She loved us all.

“I’ve been better” is my feeling this week, so forgive me if I’m a bit quieter and prefer spending time alone for awhile. You know I’ll always bounce back again - because I wouldn’t be living my best life unless I live it like my mom always did - cheerful, smiling and full-speed ahead.

(I love you Darlene! Thank you for feeling my need for a hug, even from so far away.)